( Wind Whistling )
( Tapping )
( Shovel Scraping )
( Water Trickling )
Man: We Funckin" Did It. We Bought A Boat.,
Drink.
I Dub Thee Bitch Slayer.
( Chuckles )
We're Retired. A Little Early Retirement.
- The Company Went Under. - Whatever.
I Mean, Look At That Shit. Look At It, Man.
I'm Out.
Mm.
I Got It. I Got It.
Okay. Okay.
- Tighten This Thing. - Uh, Okay.
That's Your Job, Sheldon. You Got It.
Come On, Man. You're The First Mate.
Mate. First.
( Rock Music Playing )
( Splashes )
Okay, I Got...
Sheldon.
How The Fuck He Get Past Me?
Motherfucker. He's Not Small.
Okay.
Help!
( Screams )
( Splashes )
( Creature Roaring )
( Boat Creaking )
( Crunches )
- ( Cracks ) - ( Grunts )
( Water Gurgling )
( Wood Cracks )
( Birds Chirping )
Professor: Scientific Evidence
That Octopi Are Smarter Than Dolphins.
So Why, In The Deepest Parts Of The Ocean,
Couldn't There Be Similar Animals
10, 20, Even 100 Times More Intelligent?
But How Could Anything But Microbes
Survive In Those Kind Of Conditions?
I Assure You,
Things Dwell At The Bottom Of The Sea
That Are Far More Sinister
Than The Human Mind Would Care To Imagine.
( Knocking )
I'm Sorry, Class. Something's Come Up.
We Will Pick Up From There Tomorrow.
What's This All About?
I Don't Know, But It Came Straight From The Council.
The Council Hasn't Been In Session For Years.
Good, Lake, You're Here.
I Believe The Sister Relic Has Been Found.
The Cult Has Been Working To Secure The Relic.
If They Have Succeeded In Finding The Other Half,
Mankind Could Be In For A Short And Devastating War.
The Relic Must Not Be Rejoined.
Our Piece Must Be Delivered
To A Descendant Of H.P. Lovecraft.
Lake,
This Task Has Been Appointed To You.
What?
But Why?
I'm The Least Experienced Of The Council.
I Haven't Had Weapons Training In 15 Years.
This Is True.
But All Of Us Are Well Beyond
Our Days Of Adventure.
Lake, For Countless Ages
We Have Fought To Keep Mankind
Safe From The Horrors Hidden And Waiting
In The Dark Places Of The Earth.
Your Time Has Come.
But Alone, What Chance Do I Have?
Not Much.
My Money Is On You Being Brutally Killed Within Two Days,
But What Choice Do We Have?
The Relic Must Be Delivered
Or All Hope Is Lost.
So Be It.
Who's Next In The Bloodline?
( Phone Rings )
Sqrly Squirrel Gift Baskets.
This Is Jeff. May I Take Your Order?
I--
I'm Sorr-- I'm Sorry, Ma'am.
No No No. I Understand.
Yes.
- ( Hisses ) - Oh. Okay.
Yeah. All Right.
Look Into My Eyes.
( Growls, Hisses )
Man: Ahem!
Damn It, Charlie! What The Hell Is This?
That's Mr. Sqrly Squirrel With A Chainsaw,
Buzzing Prices.
- Not Company Protocol. - Okay.
And What Did I Say About Bringing Those Things Into Work?
That I Should Because They're Entertaining And Awesome.
- Don't Be A Smartass, Charlie. - Oh.
I Think, Sir,
I Feel A Moment Here. It's You And Skelly Man.
Your Eyes, They're Meeting. It's Meeting.
There's Hatred, But Skelly Man Says, "I Don't Hate."
Why Can't You Just Take Care Of Your Shit
Like Your Coworker Jeff Over There?
Well, Sir, That's Because Jeffy Boy,
After Whittling Away In This Cubicle All Day,
Comes Home And Locks Himself In His Room
Where He Starts To Make
A Slow, Kind Of Gentle Love To Himself.
It's Like This-- You Know, A Moaning,
Like A-- You Know, Like That...
( Moans ) You Know What I Mean?
Mr. Russell, You're Oversharing.
- You're An Asshole, Charlie. - Hostile Too.
Just Get Your Work Done, Gentlemen.
And If I See One Of Those Things
Anywhere Near Your Desk, You're Fired.
Hey. Happy Birthday, Big Guy.
Is This Really My Freaking Life?
Hey, Man.
Are You Happy Stuck In This Shitty Cubicle All Day?
God! Stop Talking!
Okay? Stop It, You Guys. I'm Working Here.
This Is A Place Of Bus--
Nobody Gives A Shit About Your High Score, Henry.
Ahem.
Hey, Cheer Up, Man.
Think About That Comic Book We're Gonna Sell.
Dude, That's Your Little Dream, Man.
I Don't Even Like Comic Books.
And What, You Started Drawing That Thing, Like, Six Months Ago
And You Have, Like, Two Pages Done?
Hey, Those Are Really Sweet Pages. Take A Look At Those.
Besides, There's A Bunch Of Shit We Could Do.
Who Cares?
Yeah, Like What?
I Don't Know. Like...
Like Getting Our Pee-Pees Sucked By That Goddess.
- Is She Coming Over Here Right Now? - Yeah, Man.
Please Please Please. Just Don't Be An Idiot This Time.
Please, Don't Be A Fucking Idiot.
Put That Stupid Thing Away. I Don't--
- Hi, Boys. - Hey, Susie.
Um, Hey, Jeff, I Was Wondering
If You Wanted To Come To My Place This Weekend
To Help Me With All This Paperwork.
- ( Stammers ) Th-This Weekend? - Mm-Hmm.
Actually, It's Kind Of Weird, But Me And Charlie,
We're Working On This Whole Comic Book Thing.
So Kind Of Booked Up.
But Maybe I Can Stop By Your Cubicle On Monday
And We Can Go Over All The Paperwork And Everything.
That Be All Right?
Uh, Okay.
Sure. That's Too Bad.
- See You Guys Later. - Okay, Bye, Susie.
I Think That Went Well. I Like Her A Lot.
I Should Kill You With My Stapler Right Now.
I'm Gonna Put A Stapler In Each Of Your Eyes.
No, It's Just, You Know, The Whole Timing Thing Wasn't Right.
Yeah, 'Cause I'm Pretty Sure Susie Wanted To Move Into Pee-Pee Town
And You Said, "No Thanks."
No, It's Because We Had Plans To Plan The Whole Comic Book Thing.
An Hour Ago You Didn't Even Want To Do The Comic. Whatever, Man.
I'm Just Saying, You'd Better Hope Juicy Little Susie
Is A Necrophiliac By The Time You Get Around To It.
Fuck You, Man. When Was The Last Time You Even Got Laid Anyway?
Uh, How About Last Weekend?
- Bullshit. Who? - Nikki From Accounting.
Oh, My God. I'm So Close. I'm So--
Don't Stop What You're Doing! It's Too--
Oh My God. I'm So Close. Don't--
Ow!
Hey, Be Careful. That's A Collectable.
What About My Eye?
Uh, First Edition.
Are You Joking?
Why Don't You Go Fuck Your Stupid Toy Then, Asshole? God.
Let's Just Say She Thought I Was Quite The Freak.
Great, Bro. That's Just One More Girl At Work
That I'm Not Gonna Be Able To Make Eye Contact With
Because They Know I Live With You, Dude.
- You're Kind Of A Pussy. - I'm Not A Pussy.
( Car Horn Honks )
( Engine Starts )
Long Have We Awaited Your Return.
Now That We Have Recovered A Portion Of The Relic,
It Has Allowed Us To Release You.
Who Is Your Leader?
I Am.
Who Is Your Leader?!
( Growls )
We Only Serve One Master.
I Have Summoned The Last Of The Ancient Deep Ones.
They Are Still Half A Day's Journey From Shore.
So Until Their Arrival,
You Will All... Suffice.
Now Bring Me The Relic.
Nice Shirt.
( Growls )
This Half Signifies The Beginning Of A New World.
No Man Shall Prevent The Second Coming
Of The Great Old Ones.
Once Again, Our Time Is Upon Us!
Dude, What's This?
A Comic Book That I Actually Bought For Your Birthday,
But You Found It Early.
"Goblin Wizards" Number 63, Dude?
You're Welcome. Happy Birthday.
Look At Him. So Happy, Man.
Reminds Me Of How You Used To Be.
What Is That Supposed To Mean?
I Mean, I Would-- You've Never Done The Splits In The Air,
But, You Know, He's Happy
Shooting A Little Motherfucking Magic Into The World.
I Just Live In Reality.
I Mean, Yeah, I May Drive A Fucking Car
With A Squirrel On The Side Of It,
But Other Than That, Dude...
Yeah, No. I Mean, You're Like The--
You Know, You're Like The Not-Smiley Happy.
I Don't Fucking Live In A Little Dreamland Like You Do.
So Just Take Your Comic Book And Say Thanks, Okay?
- Dude, This Is Awesome. Thank You. - Happy Birthday.
That's All I Wanted To Hear, Bro. It's Cool.
Cool, Man. Thanks, Dude.
- You Like It? - Yeah, Let's Roll.
Hey, Jeff, There's Some Old Guy In Our Apartment.
Oh Yeah? How Old?
I Don't Know. Why Don't You Ask Him?
What The-- What The Hell?
How Did You Even Get In Here, Man?
Is One Of You Jeff Phillips?
Thanks, Bro.
Yeah, I'm Jeff. Do I Know You?
'Cause You Just Broke Into Our House.
I Don't Have Much Time.
The Council Of Cthulhu
Has Sent Me To Give You An Ancient Relic,
One You Must Risk Your Life To Protect.
Mm-Hmm. Well, Here's A Thought:
Why Don't You Go Back To Your Little Cardboard Box
Or Whatever You Crawled Out Of,
And Then I Won't Have To Call The Cops?
I Wish It Were That Simple.
I Know This Will Be Hard For You To Believe.
Have You Heard Of The Author H.P. Lovecraft?
Uh, He's Only The Forefather Of Modern Horror, So Yeah.
Why Am I Not Surprised You Know What He's Talking About?
Jeff, You're The End Of A Great Bloodline,
The Last Living Relative Of Lovecraft Himself.
Listen, Okay. Lovecraft Wrote About This.
There's People That Say He Had A Firsthand Account Of These Monsters
That The Mere Knowledge Of Would Drive A Man Insane.
Lovecraft Disguised The Truth Of These Nightmares As Fiction
And Formed A Secret Society To Stand Against Them.
Okay, Well, While You Guys Are Doing Your Little Comic Book Party Here,
- I'm Gonna Go Dial 9-1-1. - We're Not Talking--
Comic Books. Comic Books.
Wait Wait Wait. Wait A Second.
( Papers Rustling )
Here It Is.
"Tales Of The Deep" Issue 171,
"The Rise And Fall Of Cthulhu."
It's All In Here, Man.
Check It Out.
Billions Of Years Ago, When The Earth Was In Its Infancy...
( Water Splashes )
Charlie: Cthulhu And His Minions Came From The Stars
And Built The Great City Of R'lyeh.
( Roaring )
It Was The Time Of The Dinosaurs.
( Squeals )
( Crunches )
Cthulhu Was Gonna Rule This World,
But The Earth Had Already Been Colonized By The Shoggoths
And Their Masters, A Race Of Aliens Known As The Elder Things.
Cthulhu Was Pissed.
( Rings )
A Great War Was Fought Between The Two Alien Races.
The Elder Things Sent In Wave After Wave
Of Their Shoggoth Hordes.
It Was A Long And Bloody War
Until A Giant Meteorite,
Or Whatever Killed The Dinosaurs,
Came Hurtling Towards The Earth
Sending Cthulhu Back To His Tomb Beneath The Sea...
And Sent The Elder Things Fleeing Into Their Last Great Utopia
Among The Mountains Of Madness.
The Meteor Crashed Into The Earth...
( Mimics Crashing )
Causing A Great Ice Age.
Cthulhu Waited For The Stars To Align
As The Earth Gave Way To Civilization.
He Sent Forth His Minions,
Led By His General Star Spawn,
Who Influenced Mankind Using Telepathy.
Whoo-Whoo-Whoo-Whoo-Whoo.
And Thus, The Cult Of Cthulhu Was Born.
The Cult Spread To All Areas Of The World--
China, Japan,
England, France,
Parts Of Kentucky,
A Small Piece Of Land In Ireland
Known As Worcester,
The Bayou.
And From The Darkest Corners Of The Earth,
The Cult Worshipped Their Master,
Waiting For The Day The Stars Would Again Align
And They Could Release Cthulhu From His Tomb Beneath The Sea
To Once Again Rule In His Dominion Over Man.
( Roaring )
( Howling )
( Hissing )
That's Pretty Much What You're Talking About... Cthulhu.
In Part.
But It Fails To Mention The Relic,
An Ancient Key Made Into Two Parts,
Split And Lost Centuries Ago.
If This Relic Comes Together
When The Great City Of R'lyeh Arises,
It Forms The Key To Cthulhu's Tomb.
The Stars Are Aligning.
The Cult Has Found The Other Piece.
Now You Must Keep This Safe
Until The City Sinks Beneath The Waves Once More.
This Was Fashioned By The Old Ones
Using Craft And Skill Lost Long Ago.
It Cannot Be Destroyed By Man Or Any Known Force.
Right.
Can I Hold It?
( Loud Thump )
- What Did I Do? - What The Fuck Was That?
That's It. I'm Calling The Cops.
( Dialing )
Come On. You Gotta Be Shitting Me.
We're Sorry. Your Call Cannot Be--
- ( Hisses ) - Oh!
If They Found Us, The Council Is Already Dead.
- ( Hisses ) - Get Behind Me!
( Door Thumping )
( Grunts )
( Screams )
Run. Protect The Relic.
The Fate Of The World Rests With You Now.
So You Are The One.
I Am.
( Growls )
I'll Drive. I'll Drive.
This Is Fucking Crazy, Man.
There's No Such Thing As Fish People, Dude.
- ( Screaming ) - Start The Car! Start The Car!
Give Me The Keys! You Have The Keys!
Jeff: Oh, It's Like A Volcano Of Teeth!
- Get It Off The Window! - I'm Trying To!
It Won't Come Off!
- Get Off! - Oh My God!
( Both Shrieking )
( Groans )
( Window Squeaking )
Where The Fuck Is Reverse In This Thing?
- It's In The Front. - ( Pops )
Got It.
( Tires Squealing )
( Grunts )
( Gasps )
Ahh!
You've Got A Lot Of Fight In You, Old Man.
It's Not Too Late To Serve Your True God.
I Know My Path. And It Doesn't Lead
To Rotting At The Bottom Of The Sea
With You And Your Masters.
- ( Roars ) - ( Chain Rattles )
( Growls )
( Tires Squealing )
I Don't Understand All This Crazy Comic Book Cthulhu Bullshit!
Okay Look, Man, When I Was Reading It, It Was Just A Comic Book.
There Weren't Monsters Hitting My Window.
So What The Fuck Are We Gonna Do?
What The Fuck Are We Gonna Do?
I Don't Know. I Think He Was Pretty Clear.
You're Supposed To Save The World And Shit.
Oh, Really? I Look Like A Fucking Hobbit To You, Bro?
- A Fucking Hobbit? - Let Me Think. Let Me Think.
Let Me Think, All Right? Okay?
Shit, Man. Paul Reemer, Man--
That Kid From High School. You Remember.
- You Broke Both His Arms. - Yeah, So?
Right, Well, That Kid Ate Lovecraft, Bro.
If We Can Find Him, He Can Probably Help Us.
How The Hell Are We Gonna Find Him?
I Don't Know. A Guy Like That Probably
Still Lives With His Grandparents, Right?
Like We're Just Gonna Go Find Him Somewhere,
Find Paul Reemer Out Of Thin Air.
Here We Come, Paul. You Ready?
- Here We Come. - ( Tires Screech )
- All Right, Knock. - You Knock.
No, You're The One Who Mentioned Coming Over Here.
Just Fucking Knock On The Door.
Hey, Man, You're The Chosen One, Okay?
I Can Only Show You The Door. I Can't Open It.
I'm Not The Chosen One. Just Knock On The Fucking Door.
Come On, Man. Just Knock.
You Are...
( Mask Hissing )
This Isn't Right.
- It's Our Only Plan. - Did You See Him?
Look What He's Wearing. A Fucking Fish Head On His--
What Do You Want Me To Do About It, Man? I Don't Dress The Kid.
- So What If He Still Looks Retarded? - Da-Da-Da!
Hey, Paul.
I Don't Know If You Remember Me. Charlie.
We Had Science Class Together.
This Is Jeff.
He Used To Punch You In The Back Of The Head.
( Chuckles ) Remember The...
Anyway, Just Wanted To Come By
And Say I'm Sorry About That, So...
Yeah. Well...
I Appreciate That, Bone-Breaker.
So What Can I Do For You, Charlie?
Uh, Yeah, We Wanted You To Take A Look At Something.
If We Could Just Have A Minute Of Your Time, That Would Be...
Let's See It.
If We Can Just Come Inside,
It's Kind Of Important, So...
It Has To Do With Cthulhu, Dude.
- Really? - Yeah.
Well, Entrez Vous.
Pretty Crazy Running In To You Guys Like This.
I Don't Really Keep Up With The Whole Alumni Situation.
I Don't Know If You Remember. Back In High School,
I Used To Be A Bit Of A Lone Wolf.
It's Just How I Roll.
Oh, Would You Look At This?
Looks Like There's No Peanut Butter.
Boy, Sure Would Be Great If I Could Make A Sandwich,
If My Own Grandmother Wasn't Such A Peanut Butter Whore!
I'm Sorry, Nanna.
Uh, I'll Make One Later.
Let's, Uh-- Let's Go To My Room.
- Fuck You. - Love You.
( Bubbling )
Bullshit.
We Have The Relic To Prove It.
Oh, Really?
Is It Like Mine?
Where The Hell Did You Get This Thing From, Man?
What, You Think You're The Only One With A Mastercraft Replica?
They Make Them From H.P. Lovecraft Drawings Or Something.
I Don't Know. I Have One Of Their Light Swords Around Here Somewhere.
These Things That Tried To Attack Us,
They Weren't After Just Some Kind Of A Toy, Man.
Look, I Don't Like Your Guys' Tone Of Voice.
You're The Two Guys
Who Came To The Master's House For Help.
Right Right. What, The Master Of Your Grandma's Guest Room?
( Chuckles ) Okay, Let Me See Yours.
( Scoffs )
- Huh. - What?
It's A Fake. It's A Phony.
It's Not Like Mine Though.
It's, Like, Bootleg.
Okay, It's Not Like Yours Because It's Real.
This Is A Boot-Leg.
I'm So Fucking Sick Of This Whole Cthulhu Bullshit.
It's All Fake Anyway.
Guys, I Think Something's Going On.
Do You Have, Like, An L.E.D. Relic?
'Cause This Is Doing Some Weird Stuff.
They Found Us At Our Apartment.
They're Gonna Find Us Here For Sure.
Okay, Tell Me About The Big Guy Again.
He Was Tall, Reddish. He Had, Like,
This Weird Handlebar Tentacle Mustache Thing.
He Still Looked Like A Man Though.
Yeah, That's The Star Spawn.
That's, Like, One Of Cthulhu's Main Generals.
Okay, You're Gonna Help Us.
No.
Yeah You Are, Paul.
Well, I'm Not Ready
To Roll The Nine-Sided Dice Just Yet On This One, Boys.
I Think We Need To Find Someone Who's Got A Little
Firsthand Knowledge Of The Situation.
That's Great. So What You're Saying Is You're A Waste Of Our Time?
No, What I'm Saying Is Captain Olaf.
It's A Sea Captain.
Look, Captain Olaf Had A Run-In With The Deep Ones
A Few Years Ago And He Survived.
That's Like A Big Thing.
The Deep Ones Are Like Star Spawn's Soldiers.
( Hisses ) They're Bad News, Right?
So If Anybody Can Help Us...
Olaf Can, All Right?
Look Look. Here It Is.
Here's A Map To His Place I Got A Few Years Ago.
That's Less Than A Day's Drive Away.
It's, Like, The Best $1.25 I Ever Spent.
That's Great.
So What You're Saying Is Your Plan, Which Sucks Balls,
Is To Go Off Some $1.25 Souvenir Map
And Go Find Some Sea Captain In The Fucking Desert?
Okay, It's Settled Then. Give Us The Map.
No No No No. I've Been Waiting A Long Time
For Something Like This To Come Around.
I Am In This To Win This As A Team.
So You're The Master. What Do We Do?
I Am Cthulhu!
( Growling )
I Come From Space And Beyond,
Down To The Ocean Depths. ( Growling )
Come On. We Don't Have Time For This Shit, Man.
It's Called Being Prepared, Jeff.
And What Do You Care? You're The Chosen One,
Which Is Weird, 'Cause Lovecraft Didn't Even Have Any Heirs.
Oh, You Guys Must Have Been Secrets.
( Grunts ) Ow!
So Why Would He Give Me This Relic?
I Mean, Even If I'm Related To This Lovecraft Guy Or Whatever,
What Could I Possibly Do?
Timeout. Okay, I Have A Theory.
Look, Lovecraft Went Through All These Things
With All These Creatures, Stuff That Would Have Driven Other Men Mad.
But He Didn't Go Mad, Right?
He Must Have Had Some Kind Of Genetic Predisposition
To Not Be Affected. An Immunity.
And If He Had That, What's To Say Hypothetically
That Couldn't Go Down The Bloodline
To Someone Like You, His Heir?
Ow! Awesome!
Star Spawn Behind You. Deep One On Your Butt.
Oh, So Here's What I'm Supposed To Do:
"Defeat The Star Spawn
And Send R'lyeh Back To The Abyss.
Good Luck, Adventurers."
Hey, Paul. Tell Your Ugly Grandma
To Stop Calling People Faggots, 'Cause That Shit's Not P.C.
- What The Fuck Is On Your Face? - Hey, Clarence.
You Remember My Best Friends From High School, Charlie And Jeff?
Either Your Grandma Just Slipped Me Acid
In The Breast Milk She's Always Offering People,
Or You're Wearing A Fucking Cthulhu Mask.
The One You Promised Not To Open Without Me.
Yeah, It Totally Is. But Hey, It's Cool Though,
Because There Is An Emergency Going On.
- It's, Like, A Level-One Emergency. - Fucking Bullshit, Man.
Why Don't I Just Take This 1985 Blaster Set
That I Just Got On Ebay For Us
And Fucking Play With Myself?
( Zaps )
I Get It, You're Mad. But You Shouldn't Be. Just Calm Down.
It's A Fucking Nerd Black Hole.
Why Don't You Fucking Calm Down
After I Fuck Up Your Little Outfit, Huh?
You Wouldn't Dare.
- Oh, Wouldn't I Dare? - No.
Then Why Is My Hand Moving Slowly Towards Your Face?
I Don't Know, But You're Not Daring.
You Don't Think I Have The Balls To Do This?
Not Even One Ball.
Raped Your Fucking Mask.
Bitch.
- ( Screams ) - No No No No!
What Are You Doing? What Are You Doing?
I Got Six Bucks On Laser Beam Boy.
- I'll Take It. - And One!
Think You Should Break It Up?
Eh, Kind Of Enjoying It, To Be Honest With You.
- ( Yelling ) - Hey!
Break It Up.
All Right, You Guys Can Go To My Basement
And Then Find Whatever You Need For The Trip.
Uh, Nanna, I'm Leaving Now.
I'm Going On An Adventure With My Friends.
( Rattling )
It's An Adventure Full Of Glory And Danger.
So I Might Not Make It Back.
Please Don't Say What You Always Say
When My Friends Come Over-- That I'm Fat And Retarded.
- But That's How You Look. - Come On!
I Love You.
I'll Never Be Your Dungeon Master Again.
What? They're Fish People.
I Hate You.
All Right.
Sorry. I Would Have Been A Little Bit Quicker
If Somebody Wasn't So Old!
Nanna: Fuck You.
Hey, Sweet Mask.
Let's Roll. ( Laughs )
♪ Uh Ah Uh Ah ♪
♪ When Alcohol Is Involved, I Might Just Call ♪
♪ Drunk Dialing, Drunk Dialing ♪
♪ I Know It's Late And All... ♪
( Low Growling )
( Woman Screaming )
- ( Loud Snap ) - ( Man Grunts )
- ( Gasps ) - No!
Oh God!
( Whimpering )
( Growling )
( Squelching )
( Man Screaming )
( Woman Screaming )
( Crunching )
( Whimpering )
( Creature Roaring )
( Sand Crunching )
( Growling )
( Roars )
- ( Growls ) - ( Screams )
( Crunching )
A Praying Mantis Would Destroy A Salamander.
No No.
You Sound Like An Idiot, Charlie.
Do You Know How Fast A Salamander Is?
Hey, A Salamander Has No Defenses, Man.
A Praying Mantis, It Has Those Little Hook Claws.
- Somebody's Never Been To A Zoo. - Okay.
Seriously, Salamanders? Praying Mantis?
What If Dolphins Were Robots?
- What If Dolphins Were Robots? - Yeah.
They're Not, So Shut The Fuck Up.
What Do You Want To Do, Man?
Want To Go Back And Sit And Work In Your Cubicle All Day?
The Jeff Phillips I Know, The One That Defended That Tree Fort When We Were Kids,
Okay, He'd Do Something About This.
- He'd Make A Difference. - He's Right, Jeff.
You Shut Your Mouth, You Little Grandma's Boy.
I'm Sorry. Are We Still A Team?
Yeah, Man. Are We Still A Team, Jeff Phillips?
Look, If You Say "Jeff Phillips" One More Time,
I'll Fucking Turn You Into Bone Dust.
Hey, This Might Be Some Pretty Bad Timing,
But I Just Wanted To Thank You Guys For Bringing Me Along.
Both: Shut Up.
We're Still A Team, Charlie.
Really? That's Awesome, Bro.
♪ Gentle Giant. ♪
( Machinery Whirring )
How Charming. A Half-Breed.
( Raspy Voice )
( Roars )
( Shrieks )
( Roars )
( Growling )
These Deep Ones Have Traveled So Far, My Children.
And It Is They You Shall Be Serving.
You See, They Are Still So Hungry.
( Hisses )
( Growling )
( Lock Rattles )
( Screams )
( Roars )
( Hisses )
All Right, You Guys Stay With The Relic.
I'm Gonna See If They Have, Like, A Vending Machine.
Hey, Can You See If They Have Cream Cakes?
Yeah.
Good Evening.
That's A Nice Boar You Got There.
Yeah, I Found It On The Road.
- Huh. - You Need A Room?
No, I Was Wondering If You Had A Vending Machine Around Here.
Does This Look Like A Fucking Quik Mart To You?
No, I Was Just Asking--
( Laughing )
I'm Just Kidding.
You Should Have Seen Your Face.
Hey, Charlie?
Um...
I Was Just Thinking.
I Made This Bracelet When I Was In The Third Grade
And I Never Gave It To Anybody.
I Didn't Have Anybody To Give It To.
I Think I Just Held On To It For Good Luck.
Yeah, So Do You Have A Vending Machine At All?
There's A Snack Rack Right There In The Corner.
Bend On Over And See What We Got.
All Right.
And I Was Just Thinking If Anything Would Happen,
I Want-- I Want You To Have It, Please.
You Know What, Man? I'm Real Flattered,
But I Don't-- I Don't Swim That Way, So...
No No No, This Is A Friendship Bracelet.
- Whoa! Hey! - Hey.
About What I Said Back There,
I Didn't Mean Nothing By It.
So If You Want To Have Sex With Me Or Whatever...
No, Man. I'm Cool, Bro.
- Well? - Well? Well What?
- Need Any Magazines? - No.
You Know, I Don't Even Really Want The Chips Anymore.
I'm Just Gonna Take Off. Excuse Me There.
Hey. This Is My Sex Face.
Yeah Yeah Yeah. Hey, Man,
Whatever You Want To Call It, That's...
- No, It's Not What I'm Calling It-- - Hey, Shh. Hey.
- It's For Friendship. - Nobody's Judging, Okay?
We're All Good, Bro.
Be Careful Out There. There's Some Weird Folk Out Here In The Desert.
I Know.
Start The Car! Start The Car!
It's Already Started, Man.
There's Some Weird People Here.
Paul's Gay.
( Electricity Crackling )
( Bell Dings )
( Laughs )
( Chuckles ) Hey, Charlie, Do You Still Make Comic Books
- Like You Did Back In High School? - Yeah Yeah, Man.
Actually, I Got A Couple Pages Right Now That Are Pretty Sweet.
No Way. Really? What Are They About?
Well, You Know How You See All Those, Like, Japanese Fish
In Ponds And Stuff In Malls?
Well, They Get Fed Up, Right?
So They, Like, Reach Back Into Their Heritage
And They Make All These Ancient, You Know,
Weapons And Armor. So, I Mean, They Become...
Both: Samurai Fish.
Right Right. And Then They Just-- They Come Out
And They Fucking Just-- They Slaughter People.
It's Like Revenge, You Know?
That Is-- That's So Good.
Yeah. Well, I Mean, You Know,
It's Kind Of Stalled. The Fish Have Fins,
So They Couldn't Really Do Any Proper Blacksmithing.
I Mean, It's A Brilliant Idea. It's So Good.
And Who's To Say That The Samurai Fish
Can't Come Into Contact With, Like,
A League Of Gorillas With Opposable Thumbs?
And They Can Make The Armor And The Weapons.
It's Not Out Of The Realm Of Realisticness.
I Love That.
It's Like-- It's Like A Monkey-Fish Army.
You Like It? You Can Use It.
You Guys Really Are Meant For Each Other, I Think.
What's Wrong With That, Jeff?
Did You Watch This Show When You Were A Kid Too, Man? Remember?
- ♪ Goblins ♪ - ♪ Goblins In The Forest ♪
♪ Goblin Magic! ♪
- ( Laughing ) - I Love That, Man.
- I Didn't-- I Didn't Watch It. - I Love--
All Right, Home Slices.
Let's Get In The Damn Car And Get Some Sleep.
Hoo-Rah?
( Groans )
Hey, Paul. Can We Use Your Cell Phone And Set The Alarm?
- We Left Ours At Home. - I Don't Have A Cell Phone.
Are You Serious?
Who Would I Call?
Hey, All Right, Don't Even Worry About It.
Okay, I'm Like A Human Alarm Clock.
Since When, Dude?
I Got It Covered, All Right?
Just, Nighty-Night.
Nighty-Night, Man.
( Yawns )
- ( Screams ) - Good Morning!
What The Hell Are You Doing Here, Freak?
Did You Really Think We Wouldn't Find You?
- We're Everywhere. - What, Big Greasy Rhinos?
He's One Of The Cult Of Cthulhu.
Step Out Of The Car And Hand Over The Relic.
- Start The Car, Man. - The Big Boss Is On His Way
And I'm The One Giving Him The Relic.
- It Won't Start, Dude. - Step Out Of The Car
And I Won't Have To Kill You Right Away.
What Are You Talking About, Bitch?
There's, Like, Three Of Us. We Will Take You Out.
Please, Paul, It Doesn't Work For You.
Okay, What's He Doing?
I'm Pretty Sure The Relic Is Fireproof,
You Little Pop-Tarts.
Well, I Guess We'll Find Out.
All Right, All Right, All Right, All Right.
You Win. You Win. We're Coming Out.
That's What I'm Talking About.
Ass Kicking Time, Right, Guys?
- Shut The Fuck Up, Paul. - Just Listen.
When We Get Out Of The Car, You Wait For My Signal
- And We Run. - Run? Where To?
We're In The Middle Of The Fucking Desert.
We Don't Have Choice, Do We, Dude? Now Bring That Bag.
We're Getting Out. Calm Down.
It's All Good.
That's It, Boys.
Keep Playing Ball And Maybe I Won't Have To Play With Yours.
Wait. What?
- Our Balls? - You Got Balls, Don't You?
Yeah. I Guess I Just Don't Get The Reference.
You Weren't In There, Dude. He'll Fuck With Your Balls. Trust Me.
Is That Why You Were Running To The Car, Man?
- Did You Get Your Balls Fucked With? - Just Get Ready To Run.
I Wouldn't Run If I Was You,
Being As We Have You Surrounded.
All Right.
Easy.
What Are We Gonna Do?
All Right, There Was That Bag At Paul's House.
When I Start To Approach Him You Throw Me The Weapon, All Right?
No No No No. That's Like The Worst Plan I've Ever Heard.
We Don't Have Any Other Choice, All Right? Now Let's Just Do It.
All Right, I Got The Relic.
I'm Gonna Bring It Over To You, All Right?
Got It Right Here.
Now!
- Why? - It Was On Top.
( Grunts )
Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey! Okay Okay Okay.
I Got The Relic!
Paul, What The Fuck Are You Doing?
I'm Saving You!
Go.
( Wheezing ) Wait.
Okay.
You Guys Must Exercise Or Something.
Like Do Cardio Or...
Hand Over The Relic.
Here. Jeez.
( Laughing )
All Right, Hold On.
( Grunts )
( Wind Whistling )
( Both Panting )
Man, If That Map Is Right,
This Place Should Be Around Here Somewhere.
Hey Man, Do You Think Paul's Okay?
Well, Who Knows, Man? It's Your Fault Anyway.
A Fucking Snorkel Mask.
Hey, You Know I'm Not Good Under Pressure, All Right?
A Fucking Snorkel Mask, Bro.
Hey.
That's An R.V., Right?
God, This Place Is A Rathole, Dude.
- All Right, Knock. - You Knock.
No, Man. I Did All The Knocking At Paul's House.
We've Already Established This, Okay? You're The Chosen One.
- I Show You The Door-- - You're Such A Pussy, Man.
( Muffled Music Playing )
( Bell Dings )
Ain't Nothing To See Here, Boys.
Just Move Along Now.
Uh, We Were Looking For A Man That Might Live Around Here.
Like I Said, Ain't Nothing Here.
- No Captain Olaf For You. - Uh...
We Never Said Anything About A Captain Olaf.
Would You Be Captain Olaf?
Cripes. I Keep Doing That.
I'm Captain Olaf, 'Tis True.
You Got Me There.
But I Cannot Help You Fight The Monsters You Seek To Slay.
Don't Know Nothing About Fighting No Sea Monsters.
We Could Go Right Back Into The Desert, Just--
No. No, Look, We Came This Far.
We're Gonna Do This.
- ( Knocks ) - Captain Olaf, Open Up.
We Need Your Help. We Have The Relic,
The One That Opens Cthulhu's Tomb.
- ( Music Stops ) - ( Footsteps )
You Shouldn't Speak So Lightly
Of Things You Know Nothing About.
Real Or Not, That's Not Something
You Want To Just Be Flashing About Like The Ass End Of A Sea Donkey.
- Sea Donkey? - Stop Your Yammering!
Get Your Asses In Here Before You Bring Down The Minions Of Hell.
- All Right, All Right. - They'll Strip The Flesh From Your Bones--
- Okay, We're Coming In. - Hold It.
Let Me Tidy Up.
( Sea Shanty Playing )
Go Ahead, Have A Seat.
That's-- That's A Nice Crab.
Sure, Till You Find It In Your Pants.
Yeah.
Now Let's Hear Your Fish Story.
( Flies Buzzing )
Oh, Come On.
Ew.
What Is This?
I'm Like A Ninja Eagle. Hyaa!
( Roars )
( Whimpers )
Fools!
( Roars )
And That's Why We're Here. We're Hoping You Can Help Us.
You Boys Ever Been Fish Raped?
It's Something You're Not Likely To Forget.
We Were Out Night Fishing.
It Was One Of Them Real Cold Nights,
A Kind Of Cold That Makes A Man's Balls
Want To Hibernate Like A Pair Of Weasels
Up Inside His Chest.
The Creeping Fog,
Color Out Of Space,
Just Sleeping Over The Deep Water.
( Seagulls Calling )
We Never Even Heard Those Things Come Aboard.
( Faint Snarling )
They Killed My Crew Within Minutes.
The Sound Of Their Screams Still Haunt My Waking Hours.
I Close My Eyes
And I See The Horror Of 1,000 Deaths
Play Across The Blackness.
Those Teeth,
Those Cold Insidious Eyes,
Hell-Sent To Drive A Man To Madness.
Deep Ones, As Legend Calls Them,
Have A Hankering To Mate With Us Normal Folk.
Sure, Those Scaled, Webbed Hands
Might Tickle A Bit.
I Dare To Even Call Them Soothing.
Then Bam, You're An Anchovy Popsicle,
If You Catch My Meaning.
Now You Boys Start Down This Road,
That's All That's Waiting For You--
A Whole Heaping Of Fish Raping.
So Why Don't You Do What I Did?
Move As Far Away From The Water As You Can
And Never Look Back.
( Water Splashing )
Don't Worry. That's Just Gary.
- There's Somebody Back There? - Come On Back.
I'll Introduce You.
What The Hell Is That Thing?
You Remember How I Told You
How Deep Ones Like To Mate With Normal Folks?
Well, Gary Here Is The Unfortunate Offspring
Of One Such Encounter.
See, Being That One Of His Parents Is A Deep One,
He Started Changing As The Ocean Called Him Back.
His Human Side Just Keeps Fighting To Hang On.
Been Taking Care Of Him About Six Months Now.
Good Kid.
There You Go.
At First, I Thought I Might Be Able
To Make A Little Money Off The Feller.
You Know, Start A Little Freak Show Or Whatever.
Yeah Right, A Freak Show. That Makes Sense.
Well, It Didn't Quite Pan Out.
Seems You Need A License For Him...
Or It... Or Something.
I Was Just Gonna Bury Him Out In The Desert,
But Then I Realized I'd Grown Fond Of The Little Feller.
- Isn't That Right, Gary? - ( Wheezing )
Now That I Think About It And You've Seen Him Up Close,
You Probably Owe Me A Couple Bucks.
- ( Thump ) - You Boys Expecting Someone?
No.
There's Something Out There.
And It's Got A Wild Eye The Size Of A Sperm Whale.
God, It's Paul.
- Wait! - Paul!
Paul.
Damn You, You Fish-Worshipping Freaks!
Damn You All!
Charlie.
- Paul, Buddy. - Hi.
You're Alive.
Yeah, They Just Broke My Arms.
Does It Hurt?
They Broke Both My Arms.
Jeff, Man, He's Alive! Come On!
- They Just Broke His Arms. - All Right.
- Come On. - Welcome Back.
( Both Groan )
Come On. Come On.
- ( Groans ) - Come On, Buddy.
Ow, My Arms!
Take It Easy. Come On.
Easy.
Oh, Man. You're Heavy.
Yeah.
Sit Your Bones Down Here And Rest, What's Left Of Them.
Try Some Of The Captain's Special Tonic.
Good For What Ails Ya.
( Sputters, Coughs )
Is That Captain Olaf?
Is He Cool?
Yeah, Man. Hey, What Happened?
Oh, I Was--
Well, I Was Running Away From The Cult Members
Saving You, Remember?
Then I Decided I'm Gonna Stop And Fight.
And So I Did. And I Started Taking Them Down.
And Then Star Spawn Came
And He's Like, "I'm Red, Ahh."
So I Started Kicking Him,
And Then He Turned Into A Giant Octopus And Stuff.
And So Basically, I Was The Hero.
Star Spawn, Huh?
Out Here In The Desert They Can Be Hurt.
They Can't Be Out Of The Ocean Indefinitely
Without Getting Back To Some Sort Of Water.
Isn't That Right, Gary?
- Wait, Who's Gary? - Forget It.
Look, I Say We Make A Stand.
- What? - Yeah, What?
If That Relic Is Reassembled,
All Hell Is Gonna Break Loose.
And Then What? What, Are We Just Gonna Run Forever?
Look, They Already Killed The Professor.
They Broke Both Paul's Arms. They Violated The Captain.
So How Long Are We Gonna End Up Running
Until We Stand Up And Fight?
Look, Man, I'm Sorry. But I Say We Keep Running, Okay?
What Chance Do We Have Against Those Things, Jeff?
Come On, Charlie.
What About All That Stuff You Said About Saving The World?
What Do You Say, Cap?
You Gonna Help Us?
I'm Sorry, Boys.
I've Been Living Out Here This Long,
And Now This Is Where I'll Die.
My Love For Life Ended When They Took The Ocean From Me.
My Will To Fight Is Long Gone.
Hey, I Don't Want To Interrupt,
But Just F.Y.I.-- I'm Pretty Sure
That Those Guys Saw The Map That Leads To Here.
So Whatever We're Gonna Decide,
We Should Decide It.
I Do Have A Weapons Stash Not Far From Here.
You Can Give Them A Real Fight.
Okay Okay Okay. Look, Okay.
I'm Gonna Stay Here With Paul.
You Get The Stash And You Get Back.
Jeff And I Will Be Back
Faster Than Whale Shit Through An Ice Floe.
Hey, Be Careful.
You Get Back Here, Okay?
You Know I Will, Man. I'll Be Back.
You Guys Got, Like, A Hidden Handshake?
- No No No. - Ow Ow Ow!
Oh, That's Spicy.
You Hungry Too, Gar?
God.
Some Saltine Action, Huh?
All Right.
There You Go, Buddy.
Sour Cream And Onion.
Bingo.
Let's See Here. Okay.
( Plastic Creaking )
Oh God.
Oh Shit.
- ( Water Sloshing ) - More Water.
We Got To Get You To Water. Oh God.
Okay, Hang On.
( Groans ) Okay, Gary, Just Breathe.
Just Breathe.
I'm Right Here.
Whoa! ( Grunts )
Oh God, Gary!
Oh! Oh God!
What Are We Looking For?
We're Looking For An Old Sea Chest
That I Left In This Branch Of The Cave.
( Panting ) Hold On, Gar.
I'll Get You Some Water.
Okay, Here We Go.
Okay. Okay. Okay, Oh!
All Right. Let's Get You In There.
Okay. All Right.
There We Go. Huh?
Got You A Little Tub, Huh?
There We Go. There We Go, Yeah.
( Sighs )
He's Breathing Now, Buddy. Look At That.
Oh, Sour Cream And Onion Back There, Man.
( Water Gurgles )
There She Be.
( Blows )
Let's Bring The Dynamite Too.
I Like The Cut Of Your Jib.
Oh, God! Gary!
- He's Dead. - What The Hell Did You Do?
I Couldn't Even Take Care Of My Goldfish When I Was A Kid
- And You Leave Me With This? - That Is Not A Goldfish.
You Just Killed Gary, Man.
I Tried To Save Gary. That's Why He's In The Sink.
He Did Try, Kind Of.
Did You Put Salt In The Water?
- Unbelievable. - I'm Really Sorry, Jeff.
I've Never Babysat A Merguy Before.
It's Common Sense, Charlie!
Okay, Jeff, There's Nothing Common Sense
About A Merguy Named Gary Living In An R.V.
You Did Something I Could Never Do--
Kill An Innocent Sea Creature.
Fine.
I Suppose You Put Him Out Of His Misery
In Some Perverse Way.
You See That, Jeff? Looks Like Gary Had A Guardian Angel
And His Name Was Charlie.
Right.
Every Time A Foghorn Blows,
Another Twisted Merbeing Gets His Fins.
Exactly.
A Moment Of Silence For Our Fallen Comrade.
Bow Your Head.
I Once Had A Fish Pee On Me For Hours.
I Loved It.
( Sniffles )
Well, All Right Then.
( Creature Growling )
( Growling Continues )
- ( Roaring ) - Jesus!
- We Got Company. - Olaf, Can You Start The R.V.?
Do You Happen To Have An Engine On Ya?
Oh, We're Gonna Die, Aren't We?
Uh, Bullets?
I Keep Them Just Outside Near The Trash Heap.
- Why Would You Keep Your Bullets In The Trash Heap? - It's A Safety Issue.
For A While When Gary Was Changing,
I Wanted To Shoot Myself.
Figured It Was Better Not To Have Them Laying Around Inside The R.V.
- ( Claws Scurrying ) - Shit.
We're Sitting Ducks Out There, Man.
They'd Tear Us Apart Before We Got To That Trash Heap.
Right, That Somebody Decided To Keep Their Bullets In.
Um, We Need Some Kind Of A Bait,
Something To Keep Their Attention To This Side Of The R.V. While We Go For The Ammo.
That's Great, Jeff. But There's No Bait Shop Around, Okay?
Where Are We Gonna Get Bait?
You Heartless Bastards.
Wait Wait Wait. Why Do We Both Have To Go Again?
Because I'd Rather Have Two Armed People Out There Than One.
- Now Let's Go. - Wait, I Could Cover You.
I'll Be Like, "You Can Do It, Jeff!"
Yeah Yeah, Really? With What Bullets, Dude?
Gary Ain't Getting Any Fresher.
Here's What We're Gonna Do. We're Gonna Go Out There
And We're Gonna Get Those Bullets, All Right? Which Had Better Be There!
I'm Gonna Open It Up With That Key,
And You're Gonna Be My Lookout.
- Do You Understand Me? - Yeah Yeah.
- Do You Understand? - Yeah!
I Got Nothing.
( Roars )
Oh, That's Better.
Choke On Him, You Bastards.
Well, What Are You Waiting For?
( Crunching )
- Come On. - All Right.
Go Go!
Gary!
Oh, Gary.
- Hurry Up. - I'm Trying, Man.
Man, I'm Serious. They're Almost Out Of Gary.
I Know, It's Locked. Dude, Shit.
We're Gonna Have To Run This Thing Back. Grab It.
- Ready? Go! - Okay.
( Roars )
( Growls )
- Olaf! - ( Howls )
Who's Fish Raping Now?
( Olaf Laughs )
If You Boys Are Done Looking...
( Hisses )
( Roars )
I Thought You Lost Your Love For Life.
Yeah Well, I Couldn't Have Lived With The Guilt.
For What? Not Helping Us?
'Cause I Gave You The Wrong Key.
( Glass Shatters )
Holy Shit!
- The Key! Get The Key! - Olaf, Key!
Oh My God!
- ( Roaring ) - ( Screams )
( Gunshots )
( Gun Clicks )
( Panting )
You Got Him, Man.
( Panting )
Get The Ammo! Come On, Come On!
Hey.
What's In The Other Box?
- Olaf: Dynamite. - Will It Work?
- Maybe, Maybe Not. - Okay.
Paul: Guys, Do You Think I Could Get--
Oh, Yeah Yeah. There You Go.
- There We Go. - I Don't Know If This Is...
- Guard The R.V. - Okay, Let's Go.
( Gun Clicks )
( Crunches )
( Slow Applause )
Well Done.
You've Managed To Destroy My Pets.
- Now Bring Me The Relic. - You Can Talk?
Talk? We Helped Create Your Language.
- Dude. - Silence!
Bring Me The Relic
Or Your Death Will Be The Length Of Most Lifetimes!
( Groans )
( Screaming )
So The Bloodline Of Lovecraft Lives.
I Guess So.
Then I Suppose You Will Be Able To Watch
Your Friends Die.
( Screaming )
- ( Shrieks ) - Oh, Sorry, Charlie.
I'm Being Driven Mad.
Do Over. Do Over.
- ( Screaming ) - ( Shouts )
( Heart Beating )
No!
I Can Smell The Ocean Again.
And Seagulls--
I Can Hear The Seagulls.
I Frickin' Hate Seagulls.
But I Feel The Mist Of The Ocean.
( Waves Crashing )
It's Okay.
It's Okay Now.
I'm Making Sail And Going Home.
It's So Beautiful.
Hey, He's Gone. You've Got To Let Him Go.
( Inhales )
Wait Wait. What Happened To The Captain?
- He's Gone. - Gone?
- Oh Shit. - Oh, I Think I Just Peed Myself.
( Cracking )
( R.V. Thumps )
Reload! Reload!
Oh God, That's All My Ammunition. You?
- The Last One! - Oh Shit.
Listen, I Say We Make A Run For It. On The Count Of Three.
- One, Two, Three! - ( Door Thuds )
There's Something Blocking It, Man.
Guys, There's A Thing Right There!
( Metal Creaking )
- Oh Shit! - ( Roaring )
( Screaming ) What The Fuck?
( Screams )
Fuck! Shoot It!
I Can't Get A Clear Shot, Man!
Shoot It!
I Trust You. Fucking Shoot It!
( Gunshot )
( Growls, Roars )
Oh Fuck! Fuck!
- Jeff! Jeff! - Charlie! Charlie!
Motherfucker!
( Gunshot )
Oh God.
What The Fuck Are We Gonna Do Now?
- We Just Got To Get To The Roof. - How?
I Got A Plan.
Go!
Oh Shit!
Oh God!
Oh Fuck!
( Grunts )
( Gunshot )
We Made It Up. Now What?
That Was The Plan, To Get To The Roof.
We Could Have Jumped Out The Window And Made A Run For It.
We Don't Know How Fast Those Fucking Things Are, Man.
Okay Okay, So Now What?
I Got Dynamite, Bro.
Okay Okay Okay, So...
All Right, I'm Gonna Light This.
I'm Gonna Throw It In That Window And I'm Gonna Blow That Motherfucker Up.
How Long Are You Gonna Make The Fuse?
- That Long. - How About Like That?
Sounds Good. Here, Light That Shit.
( Sea Shanty Playing )
- Okay. - Here We Go.
- Okay Okay, Throw It In. - Ready?
- Hey, Guys? - Paul?
What The Fuck Are You Doing In There?
My Arms Don't Work And There's Tentacle Things Around Me.
There's Dynamite Next To My Penis!
I Don't Like It! I Don't Like It!
- I Don't Want To Do This Anymore! - Okay, He's Clear!
Go!
Jump!
I Don't Like It. I Don't Like It.
Come On!
( Paul Screaming )
Get Down, It's Gonna Blow!
- Where's The Relic? - Son Of A Bitch.
God, You Suck At Saving The World.
- ( Paul Groans ) - ( Growling )
Well, This Sucks Balls.
Too Bad Your Little Plan Didn't Work.
Perhaps I Will Allow You To Be Slaves After All.
How Much Ammunition We Got Left?
I Got Nothing.
I Got One Left Here.
( Whooshing )
( Gurgling )
( Rumbling )
- ( Thunder Crashing ) - Behold!
God!
( Both Screaming )
( Electricity Crackling )
( Screaming Continues )
( Thunder Crashing )
This One's For You, Olaf.
( Gun Clicks )
( Gunshot )
( Rumbling )
We Did It, Man.
We Saved The World.
Yeah. We Did.
- There You Go. - Cool, Man.
Thank You, Man. Take Care.
( Sighs )
- Hey, Buddy. - Hey.
You Liked "The Relic Of Cthulhu," Huh?
It's Okay.
Hey, Come Here.
I Try Not To Tell This To Most People,
But This Story, It Really Happened.
No, It Didn't.
No, I Mean-- I Mean, To Me And My Friend.
It Really Happened.
Can You Just Sign My Comic?
I'm Trying To Have A Moment.
I'm Just Trying To Share With You That--
Just Sign My Comic, Dude.
I Got The Map.
The Council Thinks There May Be More Important Relics There.
Paul's Waiting With The Plane.
Let's Go.
The Fate Of The World Rests With You Now, Kid.
Good Luck.
( Wind Howling )
( Creatures Roaring )
( Upbeat Music Playing )
♪ From The Waters Of The Deep ♪
♪ Come A Mean Sucker Creep ♪
♪ Better Run, Don't Sleep ♪
♪ When You Know They're Coming Just For You ♪
♪ They'll Be Coming For Your Arms ♪
♪ They'll Be Coming For Your Legs ♪
♪ They'll Be Coming For Your Eyes ♪
♪ They're Gonna Rip You Up In Two ♪
♪ It's An Attack ♪
♪ It's An All-On Attack ♪
♪ It's An Attack ♪
♪ Oh No, They're Here ♪
♪ With The Relic In Our Hand ♪
♪ Every Woman, Every Man Will Be Doomed ♪
♪ If The Old Ones Find Us Here ♪
♪ Quiet Down Every Sound, Every Noise That You Make ♪
♪ From Your Voice Is Ringing In Their Ears ♪
♪ It's An Attack ♪
♪ It's An All-On Attack ♪
♪ It's An Attack ♪
♪ Oh No, They're Here ♪
♪ This Is A Tentacle Apocalypse ♪
♪ It's An Attack ♪
♪ It's An All-On Attack ♪
♪ It's An Attack ♪
♪ Oh No, They're Here. ♪
( Sea Shanty Playing )
♪ Sit Down, Young Lads, For A Seaman's Tale ♪
♪ A Story Of Mermaids And Harpooned Whales ♪
♪ Of The Days We Sailed On The Deep Blue Sea ♪
♪ No Siren's Call To Set Us Free ♪
♪ And I Faced It All With Sails Raised High ♪
♪ Through Deadly Storms And A Pirate's Eye ♪
♪ But Nothing Scared This Salty, Kid ♪
♪ Like The Cold Embrace Of A Giant Squid ♪
♪ Oh, Barnacle Days And Barnacle Nights ♪
♪ Lift Your Rum So It's Way Up High ♪
♪ Cheers Once More Before You Take That Swig ♪
♪ For The Cold Embrace Of A Giant Squid ♪
♪ Now The Ocean Calls With Its Treasures Deep ♪
♪ From The Darkest Depths Where The Fish Don't Sleep ♪
♪ And It Rises Up With Its Giant Eye ♪
♪ The Sharks Start Cracking And The Seagulls Cry ♪
♪ And It Broke The Waves Of The Briny Deep ♪
♪ With Captain And Crew All Fast Asleep ♪
♪ Dreamed Of Maidens, Alas, They Did ♪
♪ In The Cold Embrace Of A Giant Squid ♪
♪ Oh, Barnacle Days And Barnacle Nights ♪
♪ Lift Your Rum So It's Way Up High ♪
♪ Cheers Once More Before You Take That Swig ♪
♪ For The Cold Embrace Of A Giant Squid ♪
♪ The Cold Embrace Of A Giant Squid. ♪